Bisexual Britni Returns As "Bessi" To Fight Abuse

Hi, it’s Britni.

Dennis, my ex, worked very hard at making sure I kept my mouth shut about what was going on in that house and I did. I was fiercely loyal to him. I was also very afraid of him until only very, very recently. Dennis never let me talk to anyone even ONCE as Bisexual Britni unless it was absolutely necessary, such as via phone or in person. He’d brief me about any situation I had to take on myself (in person or on the phone) and that was it. (Ever notice I seemed ditzy about what was going on all the time? It’s not because I’m blonde. It’s because I didn’t KNOW what was going on.)

I currently suffer from what is called PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, due to the abuse, torture and control that I suffered at Dennis’ hands. (I tried to talk to Gene Ross about my situation, but all he cared about was reporting about the restraining orders). It is very important to me to talk about this condition and WARN PEOPLE about it. Sometimes, a person can go through one traumatizing event (such as a single rape) and suffer from PTSD. What Post Traumatic Stress Disorder IS, is your brain’s reaction to trauma. Your brain suffers DAMAGE when you traumatize it and it sort of short circuits. You suffer things like: insomnia, panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, crying uncontrollably, flash rages, instant "fight or flight" reaction to minimal stimulus… basically you act like… someone who’s been traumatized.

I suffered abuse, torture, psychological/emotional/mental damage, beatings, and control for seven years, since age 17. The conditions in that house were so horrible that it almost sounds far fetched and ridiculous. I wasn’t even allowed to leave the house alone 99% of the time.

PTSD is worse the longer you endure the trauma. The trauma is worse the closer the individual was to you. And it may last longer the longer you wait to address it. I might be totally fucked. It was seven years for me. He was my whole world. I haven’t even told a soul about anything that occurred — including my own current husband — for two years. I’ve only recently started opening about it to him. This could last my whole life. What I want people to know is that you need to get OUT immediately if you are in an abusive relationship. The damage that you suffer isn’t just the basic black eye, a few bruises, emotional heartache, helplessness, degradation, or even utter despair. The longer you stay, the more likely you will suffer from PTSD, and the worse it will be.

Here is a link to my blog: http://freebessi.livejournal.com

And here is a link to the beginnings of a website I’m creating (I have the home page done and some message boards; so far that’s it) for women who have experienced Domestic Violence (and also those who suffer from PTSD because of it). It’s called RUN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT IT (I named it that because abusers so often use that phrase when referring to the idea that you might tell someone what happened. Every scumbag uses this phrase. — i.e."Don’t go running your mouth about…."). Telling others what happened de-powers your abuser and brings him out from the protection of darkness and secrecy. Women have more power than they think. Simply telling someone what happened can do so much.

I’ve given up on hoping that at least one journalist does the right thing with my story, since I’ve already found that I can’t trust people to do as they say in this regard. My major interest is warning other girls about what can happen to them mentally if they remain in an abusive relationship. Please help me get the word out there. I didn’t know about this before because NO ONE TOLD ME. It took me TWO YEARS to figure out what was wrong with me. Don’t let the same thing happen to anyone else. Don’t allow the ignorance of this condition to spread. I just want to let other women know what can happen to them. Before it’s too late.

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Bessi (FORMERLY Bisexual Britni)